Psychology as a field is so young, it’s one of the youngest – a fact to remember, for many taking an elective for a competitive exam like the UPSC. It’s a young subject dating back only to perhaps the 18th Century, as compared to the other subjects that have roots in evolution itself – for example languages.
Yet, Psychology is so complicated and misunderstood – maybe it’s a teenager really.
We, as therapists, often talk about what’s a good approach to take, and psychology, just at the top of my mind, seems to have changed so much in telling us what to do – from the very Psychoanalytic – read people’s mind or go back to their childhood, to the very Behaviourist – actions speak louder than words… to the very Gestalt – forget about everything else – their childhoods, their actions, just be with them in this moment, and see what it makes you feel…
There’s this one thing, though, taught to almost every counsellor – the three postulates of Carl Rogers, and hence of Humanistic school of psychology:
- Unconditional Positive Regard
- Empathy
- Genuineness
These are very very easy to remember (am writing this entire post in a heartbeat without going back to google for any reference). But these are very difficult to truly understand, and extremely hard to practise.
However, sometimes you feel that … just FEEL that it has been put to practice … by your own therapist… and though… it’s a Feeling, so it is bound to change… By the next session you might be hating on your therapist, who knows… but just in that tiny moment, when you feel your therapist practise all of these…it feels like the definition of unconditional love.
And yea… many people can make fun of me now… because popular media heavily hinges on the portrayal of an erotic relationship between a client and a therapist… but love is not only that!
I write this today, as a client, and I write it because in my long… long journey of therapy, there was a moment today in my session when I felt that my therapist’s words felt like a very warm hug… in the Delhi winter… when I’ve really been craving a comfortable hug, as a person who does not like a lot physical contact. It was perfect.
What did my therapist do?
Again, a matter of much mockery for some who don’t understand the nuances of a therapeutic relationship… and just the kind of ‘oddities’ we possess that make us hurt ourselves, again and again… after the world might have stopped hurting us. My therapist agreed to take that *power* (of hurting myself) away from me, as her *responsibility* – by a simple deed i.e. deciding when to meet next – offering me the first day of the first week of a new year… but also let me have the option of cancelling it, rather rooting for me to cancel it because she’d like me to have a nice time in some plans I might eventually end up making.
In short, what felt like a warm hug, was in a way what was conveyed:
I am there for you… You’re important to me/I make you a priority… But knowing that, I also want you to make yourself a priority (and not me)… and have a great time!
Something a lot of ‘responsible adults’ never heard as kids… and hence kept making their parents…then eventually their partners… their siblings, their friends… their work… or their *obligations* their priority…rather than themselves. Because not only are we ‘responsible’ adults now… we were ‘responsible adults’ as kids.. and perhaps never really got a chance to be a ‘childish’ kid.
And a lot of people will say do ‘inner-child’ work, or claim to do it as a therapist – but they don’t have a clue what it even means! This is what it means – giving a space to that inner-child, that they perhaps never got before … through simple things like session-scheduling.
I wish I could do a mic-drop because that’s how much I am in awe of my therapist right now.
*abrupt ending* 😀
Mann Thoughts 